Heavenly Suicide

To those of us in the West, suicide bombing is not just savagery but something we will never completely understand. Whether we are religious or not, there is something perverted about taking your own life along with the lives of innocent men, women, and children at the same time.

We have been told that as a reward for being a "martyr" the suicide bomber will be rewarded with 72 virgins when arriving in heaven. The dictionary defines a martyr as "One who suffers death rather than renounce his religious opinions". Who is asking a potential suicide bomber to "renounce his religious opinions"? It seems to me that someone has brainwashed these young men. If those of us that are not Muslims do not renounce our religious beliefs, is it really his destiny to kill us? That does not fit the definition of a martyr...and it's ironic that the largest percentage of people killed by Muslim suicide bombers or other Muslim "martyrs", are fellow Muslims...not just in Iraq - a million "martyrs" died in the Iraq-Iran Muslim war, and hundreds have died recently as the Palestinians started killing each other.

None of us know what happens when we get to heaven but what if the 72 virgin scenario were accurate? Mr. Suicide Bomber let's think about what could happen...

First you blow your body into a thousand pieces so you can go to heaven. You kill a lot of innocent people in the process...probably even women or children. I assume somewhere between the "suicide scene" and heaven, your body is reconstructed and ready for the 72 virgins. Kind of like the way the Tin Man stuffed hay back into the Scarecrow and put him back together after he was torn apart by the Wicked Witch's Flying Monkeys.

Anyway, so you arrive in heaven and there they are...72 young ladies dressed in black waiting for you to put them into "heaven". Now these are virgins, so you must be gentle and not be like a gorilla and hurt the young ladies. This is not an easy process, therefore I think we can assume you will be quite a man if you can deal with one virgin a day until you "take away their flowers".

So Mr. Suicide Bomber let's think this thing out...

You now have to have sex with a virgin every day for the next 72 days. I know you are young and virile, but this may be tough. And at the end of the seventy second day, don't plan to rest. Virgin number one, two, etc. will be waiting to start all over again. No slacking off my friend...these are your virgins and it is your responsibility to take care of them.

So Mr. Suicide Bomber are you sure you really want to do this...?

Now none of us really know what happens in heaven, but what if you have to provide food, lodging, new Burkas, Tampons, etc., etc., for your 72 ladies? And let's not even think about taking them shopping. What if they start getting pregnant? If they each have one child the first few years, you could be looking at 72 little ones running around. Mr. Suicide Bomber...if all this happens I could see where you may consider committing suicide a second time!

So let's think about how your life will be in heaven...most of us have trouble living with one woman for 40-50 years, in addition to kids and all their problems. But 72 women and 72+ children for eternity...ouch! And sadly, if in Heaven you meet up with the other innocent Muslims or other "ex- human beings" that you have killed...what are you going to say to them?

Mr. Suicide Bomber this is probably a very bad decision on your part.

Here is my point...You believe your religion requires that you try to kill all the "infidels" in the world, but before you push that button, think about what you are doing. Take it from an old guy who has been around...this world is not that bad. Maybe you should consider staying here, marrying just one woman, having a few kids and live life like the rest of us. It's not always perfect, but a few kids, watching them grow up, going to soccer games, hanging out with friends, watching American Idol and "24" on TV ...it's not that bad. And maybe even a shot of Jack Daniels in your tea or a glass of good Cabernet from time to time. I believe Allah would understand...after all he is the only one that is perfect...right?

So Mr. Suicide Bomber, let heaven come in it's own time and consider living in peace with the rest of us. Whether Christian, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, or even Atheist we are all human beings first and should respect each other. Your life is worth a lot here on earth..don't let anyone tell you otherwise.